Do You Deny Yourself What You Really Want?

I was awoken early in the morning with a single thought…

Give your car to Kate.

(Kate is my daughter.)

I know myself well enough to know that if the message from my Higher Self isn’t delivered this directly, often awakening me from a deep sleep, I will ignore or justify and reason it away. And even though I knew it was a message from Spirit, I still began to argue and question.

I’m  not sure Kate even wants it, or that I want her driving in California. I think she may be safer Ubering. What if the gift ends up being a burden on her with maintenance and insurance costs? And although I want a new car, I don’t need one, I was planning to drive this one another year or so, in hopes that the self driving cars are perfected and approved.

What if this idea is a mistake?

The more I observed my thoughts, I could see that every single one was coming from a place of fear, lack, and doubt. I teach abundance mentality because really “we teach what we most need to learn.” Why am I challenging and not trusting my divine messages? Why do I know in my gut the right thing to do, yet consult my head, who always has a lot to say to the contrary?

The body always knows. Listen to her.

The emotions that well up and leak out of my eyes tell me this is more than just a car buying experience, it is actually meant for my spiritual growth. So here are the lessons I am currently learning after buying a new Tesla this week:

Worthiness and Deserving – this is the most obvious one ~ reprogramming my brain to know I am worthy of nice things. This stems from an old childhood wound in which it was imprinted upon me that others are deserving of nice things, but not me. Well it is time to kick that limiting belief to the curb and create a new reality.

Generosity – I want to be a more generous person then I currently am, yet I find I often put it out to a future date ~ I will be more generous and giving, when…. (I reach some other arbitrary level of success in which people can afford to be more generous.) I call bullshit on myself.

Technology – I am ready to create a new relationship with technology, one in which I trust it is working in my favor, always goes smoothly and seamlessly, and makes my life better, more productive and lucrative. Up until now, my thoughts have not always supported this belief and I am ready for it to be true for me as I know it to be for others.

Trust – I am seeing a correlation between my control issues, thinking that my sight is the best indicator of what to do, when in reality, I have many blind spots.  There is both divine intelligence (the one telling me to give my car away) and data intelligence (built-in technology and self-driving intel) that can see and guide me in a better direction than my sight alone. Being open and receptive to help is a muscle I am focused on building.

So how about you? Are there things you want now but are putting off to a future date when you feel more worthy and deserving? Do you argue with your inner knowing and try to logic your way out of your truth? Do you have blind spots you’re ignoring because you think you need to do it all yourself?

Leave a comment and let me know what rings true for you.